Alien Influence (Another One of Those)
by djenie
Summary: It's just too much fun to pass up- I had to give the 'alien influence' device a try! Sam and Jack, of course. Suggestive, but not explicit. Some swear words. One or two comments in bad taste. No spoilers. Takes place in the first or second season. Humor, I hope!


**ALIEN INFLUENCE: YEP, ANOTHER ONE OF **_**THOSE**_

They headed toward the gate on the run, angry natives with spears and bows hot on their tail. O'Neill shouted at Daniel, who was in the lead, to dial the gate. He himself dropped back to hold off their pursuers, while Teal'c carried Carter through the gate.

The rescue had begun well; they had found Carter quickly, a prisoner in one of the village longhouses. She was barely conscious, and there were bruises on her arms and on one cheek. She was awake enough to recognize them, but not enough to even stand up on her own. Daniel had scooped her up while Teal'c and Jack disposed of the guards. They left the house and headed out of the village. As they neared the cover of the woods, Daniel stumbled, and handed Carter off to Jack with a strange shocked look on his face. It was just about then that they were discovered. After that it was a mad dash for the gate.

Carter was wearing some sort of floaty white dress, which left very little to the imagination, and Jack was jolted by how totally female she felt in his arms. Her skin was soft and smooth. To make it worse, she clung to him tightly, molding her body to his, her face buried in his neck. She smelled wonderful...

_Focus, Jack! Runnin' for your life here!_

Jack gave Sam to Teal'c as they neared the gate, and turned to cover their retreat. He was firing into the ground and the trees, not really wanting to kill these people, just hoping to slow them down.

The wormhole opened and Teal'c ran through with Sam. Daniel followed, and Jack barely avoided an arrow as he dove for the event horizon. He hit the ramp rolling, and the arrow hissed over his head. The gate shut down behind him.

When they reached the infirmary things were in an uproar. Two teams had just come in with wounded, some of them serious. A nurse came to look Sam over, draw blood and check vitals. Sam had recovered somewhat, and was insisting she was okay, but there was definitely something off with her behavior, Jack realized.

It turned out that Master Bra'tac had returned with one of the other teams, and Teal'c asked to be excused to see his old mentor. Jack sent Daniel off to make a preliminary report to General Hammond. In the meantime, Jack sat down to wait with Carter, who was babbling about the dress, and the women on the planet.

"They were sellin' the girls to the highest bidder, sir, and they grabbed me because—well, to sell me too I guess. Took my clothes. Dunno what happened to my clothes, sir... there's more in my locker..."

She talked constantly, and was completely unable to follow directions. She continually tried to get up and leave the cubicle. Each time he would try to urge her back to the bed, she would clamp her arms around some part of his anatomy, and refuse to release him until he barked at her. Then she would appear to have her feelings hurt and subside for a few moments. Janet came in just as he was carrying her back to her cubicle for the third time. The white dress was in danger of falling off, and he grabbed a sheet to wrap around her.

"Janet!" Sam squealed.

"If I were not so rushed, I'd indulge in a good laugh, Colonel," the doctor told him, as she watched him trying to restrain his 2IC. She fended off Sam's attempts to hug her with reassuring words and a pat on the back.

"Not funny, Doc," Jack told her. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's been drugged, Colonel. By the concentration in her blood, I'd say it'll be a while before it wears off. But there don't seem to be any serious injuries. The bruises are superficial, and she didn't have any symptoms of concussion. You said she was unconscious when you found her?"

"Yeah... just waking up."

"How long ago was that?"

"An hour, maybe a little less. Any idea what kind of drug?" he wanted to know.

The corners of her mouth tried to form a smile, which she manfully restrained. "Well, we're not sure of the exact composition—but it appears to be a combination of intoxicant and..." she cleared her throat and then did flash a grin, "...aphrodisiac."

"Wha...!" Jack glanced at Carter, who appeared to be about to make another run for it. He reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. She smiled, closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against his hand, almost purring.

Janet snorted.

"Crap!" Jack exclaimed, jerking his hand away. Sam looked up at him and began to pout. "So she's what... drunk and horny?! Jeez, Doc! How long before it wears off?"

"Still a few hours, I would guess. I really can't spare someone to babysit her right now, though, and I don't want to sedate her just to keep her in bed. So it would be a big help if you or one of your team could take her home and stay with her until she sobers up." Janet grinned as Sam slipped off the opposite side of the bed, and the Colonel ran around to stop her from getting away. Instead of fighting, Sam flung her arms around his neck and began to nuzzle him.

"Doc!" Jack begged. "Stop laughing and help me here."

"All right," Janet took Sam by the arm and helped Jack get her back to the bed. "Maybe she does need something to calm her down. I'll give you some pills to give her if things get too much out of control."

"You mean like right now!"

"It really would be better if she wasn't medicated unless it's absolutely necessary," she said seriously.

"Got a feeling you and I have different definitions of 'absolutely necessary'." he muttered.

"We haven't had a chance to analyze the substance in her bloodstream thoroughly, Colonel. There could be drug interactions."

"Okay." Jack snarled sarcastically, "Yeah, sure, not a problem. We'll handle it."

The doctor disappeared and returned a few moments later and gave Jack a small bottle of pills. "Use them sparingly." An instant later she was gone.

As it turned out, it was Jack who 'handled' it. Teal'c was in conference with Bra'tac, and Daniel was nowhere to be found. Sometime later, both men confided to Jack that Carter had behaved bizarrely during the rescue. "Her actions and suggestions were inappropriate—very unlike CaptainCarter," Teal'c commented tactfully. Daniel, the diplomat, was somewhat less tactful. "She grabbed me...there, Jack!" he blurted in horrified tones. Well, at least that explained their disappearance!

Jack went to Sam's quarters and found PT pants and T-shirt, underwear, socks and sneakers, and he managed to find one of the nurses to help her dress.

"Come on, Carter," he said, taking her arm. "We're leaving."

"Where we goin', Sir? Jack? Sir Jack!" Momentarily fascinated by her lame little play on words, she nevertheless followed willingly, but stumbled a bit and he had to catch her. She grinned and leaned against him voluptuously. "Thanks, Sir Jack..."

"That's enough," he said sternly. "We're going home," he added, trying to steer her and unclench her at the same time. They managed to make it to the elevator.

The fresh air outside seemed to sober Sam up a little, and she walked with him quietly to his truck. He helped her into the passenger seat and belted her in. Then he climbed into the truck and considered where to take her—her house or his. Neither seemed a great choice under the circumstances. But at least he had a usable spare room, and he knew where things were at his place.

Riding subdued Carter somewhat. He glanced over at her several times, and she was gazing dazedly straight ahead. Eventually her head fell back on the headrest and her eyes closed. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all, he thought. He'd just have to carry her into the house quickly, so the neighbors hopefully didn't notice. It'd be better if it were dark, but they had arrived back at the SGC in early afternoon, and now the rush hour was approaching—people would be coming home from work, kids outside playing... Well, it couldn't be helped. He wasn't that tight with his neighbors anyway.

About halfway home, he remembered that he had no food in the house. SG-1 had been on active or standby duty for the past ten days, and he usually tried not to leave perishable stuff in the fridge. Carter appeared to be sleeping, so he swung into a market a few blocks from his house. He turned off the truck, and waited a few moments to see if the cessation of motion would wake her. She did not move, so he got out of the truck carefully, and ran into the store.

Seven minutes later he was back with milk, bread, a few other basics, as well as a large container of vegetable soup and fresh-baked breadsticks from the market's deli.

Carter was still sitting in the passenger seat of the truck—sobbing as if her heart was broken.

As soon as he got in, she flung her arms around him—nearly crawling into his lap.

_God, the wonderful smell of her skin..._

"You came back!" she wailed. "I was so scared! I thought..." she gulped and choked on her tears, "...you'd left me..."

"Hey, hey," he tried to soothe her, patting her back and making comforting noises, and at the same time not endangering the bag of groceries. Finally he extricated himself long enough to set the soup safely on the dash and the other things on the floor. "I just went in the store to get some food. I'm sorry. I thought you were asleep. You're safe here."

"But I don't know where we are," she cried. "I was afraid to go look for you..."

_Oh, crap! She coulda wandered off and ended up blocks away before I came back! _He felt guilty, and tried to be gentle with her. "It's okay now," he soothed. "Stop crying, okay?" He put an arm around her and she promptly turned it into a clench. "Hey... I can't drive with you hanging on like this. We'll go home."

"Where... where's home?"

"We're going to my house. You'll remember my house when we get there." _I hope!_ He rubbed her back and she slowly began to relax against him..._all the soft womanliness of her..._ "I got us something for supper," he added hastily. "And you can sleep in my spare room until you're feeling better."

Finally she let him go and he buckled her back in and started the truck. Her hand remained on his thigh, however. When he gently removed it she immediately put it back—higher up! He bit the inside of his cheek, and tried to think about Goa'uld torture devices.

By the time they reached his street the signs of her crying had vanished, but her hand stayed where it was—_actually kneading lightly!_ By then he had progressed to picturing earthquakes and other natural disasters!

When they turned into his driveway, she sat up at attention. And took her hand off his thigh! She gave him a dazzling smile. "Oh, this is your place!" she exclaimed, obviously pleased.

Once in the house, she became animated—and affectionate, _damn it_—again. She hung onto his arm and talked steadily as he put away the groceries.

"I love your house! I remember being here—we had parties, you and me and Daniel and Teal'c. Do you love it here? Have you lived here long? Is this your dream house? Sir Jack in his castle..."

And on and on until he was ready to strangle her! This was worse than the crying! Apparently Janet was right, the drug wasn't wearing off...

There was suddenly silence, and he turned to find her gone!

_Where...?_

_Damn, she was headed outside! _

He chased her down—she made it almost to the next-door neighbor's property line—and he waved to Liam in his back yard, while trying to drag Carter back without appearing to be forcing her.

"Hey, Jack!" Liam called. "How's it goin'? You guys up for a cookout later?"

"Thanks, Liam. Some other time. It's been a long day and I need... _Mmmpf!"_

Carter had flung her arms around him... tight!

Liam guffawed. "Got it! Have a good night!"

Speechless, Jack dragged Sam back into the house bodily and locked the door. Not that it would stop her, but it might slow her down. Setting her down at the kitchen table where he could stand guard over her, he grabbed his phone and dialed the SGC infirmary number. Luckily, Janet was free at that moment.

"How fast will these pills calm her down?" Jack demanded. "I'm chasing her all over the neighborhood!" He told her what had happened.

Janet sputtered and snorted and finally covered the mouthpiece with her hand, but Jack could still hear her laughing. "Okay, Colonel," she managed in a choked voice. "The pills are relatively mild. You can give her one now—has she eaten anything?"

"Not since we picked her up. Don't know about earlier."

"Well, if there's no effect in half an hour you can give her another."

"Half an hour? What do I do in the meantime?"

"I don't know, Jack." She hooted for several beats. "Tie her down?" And with that, she hung up. He glared at the dead phone, hoping Janet could feel his ire.

XXXX...

At the SGC infirmary, Janet indulged in several more moments of unabashed laughter, finally wiping her eyes, and standing up from her desk. She glanced down at the lab reports in front of her. The top one was an analysis of a substance they had found on Carter's skin—a lotion of some sort with a very attractive scent. It had turned out to be a very potent pheromone compound.

_Maybe I should have warned Jack about that..._

XXXX...

Sam was on her feet, eyeing the door to the deck. Jack dropped the phone and grabbed her arm. "No no no. Just stay here with me."

She turned and pressed her body up against his. "... whatever you want..."

"Let's... uh... go watch some TV," he suggested, trying desperately to put some distance between him and those womanly curves.

_The scent of her skin was so incredible... God! He was getting...mmm... himself!_

He grabbed the bottle of pills from his jacket pocket and filled a glass with water. "Come on. I think the Simpsons are on..."

She pouted. "Don' like th' Simpsons."

"Then we'll find something else." He steered her out to the living room and pushed her down on the couch. From the bottle he took one of the pills, and handed it to her, along with the water. "Janet said for you to take this."

"Okay." She swallowed the pill. "Come sit with me?"

"Lemme find the remote." It wasn't as lost as he wished for, and after he found it she pulled him down beside her. She immediately cuddled up against him and began to stroke his arm, and then his chest—and hum! _Damn, she was humming!_ He tried to push her away while he switched on the TV and started looking for something that might claim her attention. He finally found one of those women's talkies; today there was a fashion show on, and to his utter surprise Sam quickly became entranced!

_? ?..._ _Carter watching a fashion show...? ? _ Those drugs must've really messed up her head!

It seemed to keep her focused, though, and she slowly eased up her hold on him. After a few minutes, he got up carefully, and went and got a beer out of the fridge and stood in the doorway drinking it. He watched her watching the fashion models parading down the ramp. She was totally absorbed, sitting forward, her lips parted a little. Was this a side of herself that she kept hidden from everybody? Would he dare razz her about it later? _ Nope, his life wasn't worth it. _ He grabbed a second beer.

Thankfully, they had tuned in near the start of the show, and it lasted for another forty minutes. After a while, Jack heated up the soup in the microwave, and brought bowls full and breadsticks out to the coffee table, along with another beer for himself and a glass of soda for her. She glanced up when he sat down beside her, and smiled when she noticed the soup.

"Oh, yum! That looks really good! What a great idea!" And she turned to him, put her hands on either side of his face, and kissed him full on the mouth!

_Soft. Hot. Wet. Mouth. OhGod! Tongue! What the hell! _

_Oh, yeah! _

_What was that amazing smell? _

_Kissing... Her... Back... You're kissing her back, Jack... _

_Yeah, yeah, so what ... More tongue... more heat... _

_Hands. _

_Her hands on the bare skin of his chest..._

_His hands on her...hmm _

_**You're! Kissing! Her! Back!**_

He shoved himself backwards with a yelp, away from her... And she followed him! ...Until he was on his back, half on, half off the couch, and she was on top of him...

_Still... Kissing... Him..._

"Oh, shit! Oh, crap!" He pushed her off, scrambled away and fell on the floor on his ass.

_How did his shirt get unbuttoned?!_

"Oh, oh, Jack! Are you okay?" She looked down at him over the edge of the couch, smiling, as he fumbled to rebutton his shirt. "Is Sir Jack hurted?"

_Time for another of those pills! _

He got another pill into her without any trouble—she seemed willing to do anything he wanted! He seriously considered one for himself, and decided on more beer instead. Chugging the one on the table, he went for the fourth.

He found another TV program that got her attention—this one a documentary about logging in Canada, fer cryin' out loud! "Look at those loggers' muscles," she sighed rapturously.

_Fickle woman! Ten minutes ago you were tryin' to jump my bones! _ he thought, before he could stop himself!

_Oh, crap! _ He grabbed his beer and gulped half of it down. _ The brain is clearly unhinged!_

They ate the soup and breadsticks. Sam was glassy-eyed and her voice was slurring when she talked. By the time they were finished eating she was leaning heavily against him, her hands roaming once again. He went for a fifth beer. When he got back she was curled up on the couch, falling asleep.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Jack got her to her feet and guided her to his spare room.

_Her skin under his hands was so soft and smooth, so fragrant... he found himself stroking her arm... his nose buried in her shoulder... That incredible scent surrounded him._

He jerked upright, and practically frog-marched her the rest of the way to the bedroom. He tucked her into bed. When he turned to leave, she caught hold of his hand.

"Don't go. Stay with me," she slurred.

"That's a really bad idea," he muttered.

"Please... jus' for a li'l while..."

He hesitated. "Okay. Just a few minutes." Getting into bed with Carter was a terrible idea, the tiny sensible part of his traumatized brain warned, but he ignored it. _Too much beer—couldn't seem to focus._

He sat on the edge of the bed, and took off his shoes, then went around and lay down on the other side. _On top of the blankets—yeah, that oughta be safe..._ He reached over, intending to simply take her hand, but she turned and snuggled up to his side, resting her head on his chest and slipping her arm around his waist.

He felt her fingers come to rest just under his waistband. On bare skin. Where his t-shirt had hiked up when he lay down.

Jack stayed very still, one arm around Sam's shoulders, willing himself to be calm. He could feel her relaxing toward sleep already. Her weight on him felt so good.

_Okay. Too good._

He was intensely aware of his skin where her hand was touching it.

He drew a deep breath and thought about footwear. Military boots. Hockey skates. _Flippers! Nothin' sexy about flippers!_

Sam rubbed her face against his chest, and mumbling something that included his name. Her movement released more of the heady fragrance up to his nose, into the very pores of his skin, making him feel giddy.

Her fingers slid further under the top of his pants.

_Damn. This is not good. What if she moves her hand some more...? _

She began to stroke the bare skin of his belly.

_...damn! Just like that! _

Boots, military or otherwise, weren't cutting it!

He grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his chest and holding it there. She resisted momentarily, then relaxed. He felt a twinge of disappointment, then cringed at himself. _Jack, you are in such deep shit._

She was breathing deeply now, with the occasional light purr that he would hear when they shared a tent off-world. He would lie here just a little while longer. Until she was sleeping soundly enough for him to extricate himself without waking her.

_Yeah—sounds like a plan... Just gonna close my eyes for a minute...head's all fuzzy... her scent..._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX

**Hope you got a laugh from it—that's really all it's good for! Thanks so much for reading!**

**Probably won't be another chapter—I can't think of any way to keep it funny once Sam sobers up :) **


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